Cruise Critic: The list

	Please Sir, Can I have some more?!	Oh no he di’n’t!
12/19 We’re on a boat!	“Washy Washy! Happy Happy!” As they squirt you with hand sanitizer	“Freestyle” as a term
	Hildoug’s mad stamina after a red eye and early morning workout	Where do they keep the ice cream?
		Hard sells on everything!
	Captain Douchebag always auditioning for his next wingman	Where's the freaking clock? I’m on a “freestyle” schedule here, people!
	Bowel Movements as dinner conversation (repeated each day)
12/20 (@ sea)	World’s best euro mullet on one of the male dancers
	Cruise Director Andy
	Towel Animals!
12/21 (Roatan)	Awkward photo hunt and the discovery of my future boyfriend (Harvard alum) and his family photo	Social Stratification. White people building McMansions all over the island
	Lester’s description of “poo poo sand”
	Child-biting monkey
	Getting pooped on by a bird
	Hildoug and I almost falling out of the back of the tour van when the back door popped open going up a really steep hill
	Spotting a woman wearing a mini elf hat
	Mom proves that she has an uncanny ability to predict surprise downpours
12/22 (Belize City)	Jersey family Belikin Beer (Hildoug)	Cave tubing doesn’t really personify the culture
	Red beans and rice. Yum-o! I am the Cheetah Princess!	Bad Bryon – not very friendly, but earned some points from un-stranding me on the rocks and preventing me from getting clobbered by a tree while tubing.
	All you can eat sushi on the boat
12/23 (Costa Maya)	Lonely fist pumper at the swim up bar	A reggae band doing country
	People already wearing ports of call t-shirts	Souvenir guy dropping my Mayan calendar ornament and breaking it. Then finding out it was the only one left in the store. Incident ended with me way over-paying for broken Mayan calendar ornament.
	Second City Comedy Troup was pretty dang funny.
12/24 (@ Sea)	Awesome holiday variety show	X-mas buffet. Yuck-o!
	Multiple naps	Woman saving seats for her family to watch “The Christmast story” then leaving them empty for long periods of time. Then being rude and kicking people out of them when they sat down.
	Mr Pearl contest and watching the drunk cougar mauling the contestants
	Seeing our friend Oscar everywhere
	Andy’s reading of ‘Twas the night before Christmas’ (Hildoug, obvi)
12/25 (Key West)	Going on a walk	2 picture takers at the end of Route 1 taking a zillion pictures when people were waiting
	Seeing the Southernmost point of the US	Making friends (while bowling) at the end of the trip instead of the beginning
	Checking out the Bridge Viewing Room. Hot pseudo-captain. Not hot? Enclosed smoking	No key lime pie ornament to be found anywhere in Key West. Really?
		Missing my favorite Excursions director Federico
		My purse magnet and key card not getting along….again.